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Married Saturday…Common mistakes women/people make in marriage.

I am as always the first partaker of my message. So with that said, over the last 10 years I have come into contact with plenty of women that are married and some that are divorced and some that have certificates, but are in their minds still single. (‘nother post-I promise. I just get caught up when I write sometimes).

Here are some things that seem to be common mistakes:

Lack of healthy weight control.
Now, I have to say that some men enjoy the added weight. They love you and they see you like you were when you first got married, not you after all the children. My husband seemed to think I looked better. But I was uncomfortable. Men are visual. You need to find out what he likes because what he likes, he’ll look at. Better to keep his eye on you than anyone else. I hear women say all the time that if I have to work to keep his eye, then let him go. That’s ignorant. I have 2 things to say to that: 1. Marriage is a ministry. It's like a job. If your job requires you to do certain things like show up on time, dress a certain way, etc- you have no problem doing them, but at home you think it’s supposed to be just any kinda way. Attraction maintains a form of physical intimacy. To do that you need to look like he wants you to--within reason. I’m not talking about trying to be a hundred pounds for a fool. I’m talking about maintaining your physical sexy.(to those of you who were able to do this--I salute you)

2. You are not just married to a man, you are married to a bloodline. You need to understand what’s in the blood--if Ho is in the bloodline--you want to keep his focus. Now, we all know that with whorish men, it won’t matter. You’ll be as fine as all get out and he’ll still look and go else where. I’m talking about good men.

If you are uncomfortable with your weight, it will affect your mood and your attitude about being naked and eventually your sex drive too.

Telling too much about what is going on your house.
Outside interference is a major no-no. The problem is that we get over the things our spouses do, but the people we make our confidantes, they don’t. They will hold a grudge for something your husband said 8 years ago like a dog with a meaty bone. Not only that, we need to give our issues to G-d and let him help us figure them out. Some stuff no one should ever know about. Just like you kept things about you just between you and G-d, likewise should you do with some marriage issues. I’m not talking about abuse or mess like that. I’m talking about things that can be worked out in time with G-d’s intervention. I know we like to vent, but G-d needs to hear it. Only his opinion matters anyway.

Lack of personal time together
In 10 years, I can not remember me and my husband going anywhere together alone. We stopped dating after marriage. We tended to our family and took care of them and forgot us. In the process, we grew apart. Date time is a must. One day the kids will be grown and the people left will be the parents and they need to still want and love each other like they did when they first met.

Maintaining your focus
One thing I noticed that I have done in every area of my life recently is being caught up in a one-track state. I have been so focused on what I feel, I’m going through, etc that I forget that life is a marathon and not a sprint. Things will always be going on. Focus on the positive and in time the positive will swallow up all the negative. Likewise with spouses, if you focus on all the negative stuff, that’s what you’ll get and keep. Scripture says as he thinketh in his heart so is he--proverbs 23:7. Your state of mind has everything to do with the state of your life. I’m not talking about not acknowledging truth. And when I say truth, I mean what G-d has said about your situation. If he says it’s shot--it’s shot. Nothing you can do to change it because he sees the end of that thing. It’s just a matter of time until you see what he see as well. But if it’s you working against yourself, that’s another story. You have to know what you are operating in. Could be him, could be you--could be both. If it’s you focused on the negative, it’s your job as his wife to ask G-d to help him to work on those things--not to nag him all day about them. Prayer does change things. I’m not saying never call him on the carpet for stuff, but talk to G-d and allow him to do the work. You can’t change him, only G-d can just like he’s the only one who can change you. Maintain your focus on the positives.

I hope this blessed you--if not, I realize I won’t please everybody.
Still, Be Blessed.
Chosen.

Posted by Chosen on Saturday, July 08, 2006 at 1:41 AM |

I don't like that bloodline part. I know it's true, but when I first read it I was thinking about marrying not just him but his family. Got to watch what type of family a person has. I had to learn the hard way not to share details of my relationships with friends and family. My Aunt still holds grudges on people that have been long gone. And I am a nagger. Simply b/c when I see a problem, I like to discuss it and correct it. I hate revisiting the same stuff. I gotta learn to stop trying to control so much too. Anyway, great post.

Posted by Blogger Serenity3-0 | 11:36 AM  

I like all that. Great words.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 3:52 PM  

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